Blitzing My New Year's Resolutions

It’s the 7th day of January and I’m just getting around to making some New Year’s resolutions.

So let me see … What do I need to change in my life?

I’m noticing a little issue with middle-age spread. (Sounds like a topping used on soldiers’ sandwiches during the Battle of Hastings.) I could resolve to tone the flubber with tummy exercises, but I hate sit-ups and push-ups. Sorry, that should have said, ‘HATE sit-ups and push-ups’. I might have considered joining a gym, but a friend told me that joining is not enough. Apparently you actually have to visit the gym - even get sweaty on some of the equipment - for the membership to work. Thanks for bursting my bubble, V!

So no NYR regarding my Michelin midriff.

I really should eat more superfoods. The experts are saying that quinoa, kale, chia seeds, acai and mangosteens are the bee’s knees. Trouble is, I feel pretentious just saying ‘quinoa’ (‘Kwin -ower’ is so much more Australian, don’t you think?), I truly believe that kale tastes and smells like poo and chia seeds sound like something that should be shot through a pea shooter at one’s geography teacher. I wouldn’t even know an acai or a mangosteen if I fell over it. Can you fall over an acai??? I’m so confused! 

So that rules out a superfood NYR.

My cooking repertoire has become rather narrow of late. Perhaps I should resolve to make a new and exciting dish once a week. But every new recipe I’ve looked at lately has weird and wonderful ingredients like Himalayan yak yoghurt or barium-infused caviar. It’s the superfood debacle all over again. Besides, my son is so bored with my cooking that he has offered to make an exotic chicken curry for dinner. Why would I mess with that?

So no experimental cookery NYR either.

Hmmm. Maybe I need to change my approach. The goals we set should always be measurable and achievable. Even better if they are downright enjoyable or something I was already planning to do!  So here goes ...

Here are my New Year’s resolutions for 2016:

1.    I will eat nougat at least once a month. There is not enough nougat in my life. I can’t even remember the last time I had a good piece of nougat so this resolution will involve some serious habit-changing. I am, however, willing to make the effort.

2.    I will return the boxed CD set,  ‘Learn fluent French in Eight Hours’, to my brother and admit that it hasn’t worked … not even after sixteen hours.

3.    I will allow myself at least one hippy hairdo episode a month where I banish the brush and let the frizzes and curls have their feral way. A wise friend told me that one needs to make peace with one’s hair. Here goes, D!

4.    I will not run. Anywhere. Any time. Unless I’m at the beach and a tsunami is approaching … or I am being pursued by a grizzly bear … or a thief is making away with my nougat.

5.    I will not eat kale.

6.    I will allow my inner dork freedom of expression. I will wear cardigans, strings of fake pearls, floppy beanies and crocheted flower brooches.  I will buy tortoise shell spectacle frames - again. I will eat fried eggs and potato chips. I will grow petunias, nasturtiums and hydrangeas in my garden. I will talk to my whippet and other people’s dogs in public. I will embrace fancy-dress opportunities with gusto. I will post cute puppy videos on Facebook. I will collect pigs.

7.    I will invest in a good pair of fluffy slippers before winter arrives.

8.    I will write. Furiously. Frantically. Joyously. For publication. For my eyes only. I will write rollicking poetry. I will write a new novel.  I will write stupid blogs and silly love letters.


Now let’s see how I go.